This weekend I drove up to Vancouver, British Columbia for a few days for a little R&R. Surprisingly, I had never been there before and I was severely overdue a visit. Needless to say, it was just as awesome as I’ve always heard. I stayed in the downtown area and had no problems finding something to do each night. I’m pretty much a fiend for large cities and get a lot of joy out of simply exploring and familiarizing myself with the area. This lends itself well to finding yourself in some pretty “interesting” scenarios, which at least makes for some good stories. Without boring everyone with meaningless details and turning this into a diary entry (boy am I tempted!), I’m going to just briefly mention the highlights that I think make Vancouver such a compelling city to visit…
The following contains extreme levels of sarcasm and tomfoolery and isn’t intended for anyone who takes their life too seriously. If you feel that you are within the group of people that merit the presence of this warning then you might want to try reading another blog.
There is no chance in hell that you will find yourself in this city trying to figure out where to buy a coffee. I’m always concerned about the ever-decreasing number of coffee shops in the US and it was so reassuring to see that Vancouver isn’t affected by this epidemic at all. When I saw two distinct Starbucks within three blocks of each other, separated only by a strip of other locally owned coffee shops, I knew right then and there that this town was a haven for champions!
Skateboarders seem to be first-class citizens. I was truly amazed by how many people I saw skating in the downtown area within just a couple of days. They weren’t shy about it either; I saw plenty of people skating on government property in broad daylight. It’s a shame I didn’t live in Vancouver as a kid when skateboarding was my life, because I would have had a field day 24/7. Where I’m from you couldn’t hardly walk down the street with a skateboard without a cop giving you a hard time, but in Vancouver you could probably be buck naked, doing kick flips over a judges car in the middle of a parade and the only thing you’d get is a high five from pedestrians.
I swear this city offers mandatory customer-service training classes to anyone looking to be in that industry. Every restaurant I went to had top-notch waiters/waitresses. Nothing makes me feel special more than being offered constant beverage refills and additional side-items for free! There are restaurants in Seattle where I could throw my empty cup at my waitress and she still wouldn’t get the hint that I might want some more, but in Vancouver I couldn’t hardly finish the final sip of my drink before my server was swapping me out for another glass. Now that’s what I call living!
Public transportation is absolutely free, well sort of. Vancouver, like most major cities, has a very substantial bus system, which provides natives and tourists alike the necessary means of getting around easily. What makes Vancouver special is that while there is a fee to ride the bus, you don’t technically have to worry about paying, because if you don’t have any money, they’ll still let you on. This is great because you’ll never again have to worry about prioritizing whether or not to spend your last couple dollars on a Chinese sponge cake or on bus-fare to get home. Mow down that delicious Asian treat and enjoy a free ride home, compliments of your local tax payers!
What would any JC story be without an update on the homeless scene? Vancouver certainly isn’t without its vagabond population. What I found interesting was that despite the immense size of downtown Vancouver, the majority of the homeless people seemed to be congregated in a few select areas. I also noticed that they weren’t panhandling much (if at all), due to the public food and clothing giveaways that are setup. I was able to walk around the city for four days without being asked for money once, which substantially beats my previous Seattle record of three minutes.
For me to summarize my bad experiences with Vancouver I only need two words: China and Town (Yes, I realize that “Chinatown” is actually one word, but it sounded so much more dramatic splitting it up). Any time I visit a big city for the first time, I like to make a point to visit its local Chinatown. I love Asian culture, bartering for imported Japanese DVDs, authentic street markets, and bubble tea! What I loved most about Vancouver’s Chinatown though is how conducive it is to the victimization of tourists. It’s the type of area that you can walk around feeling confident that you could get robbed and there is very little you could do to prevent it from happening. I personally had the pleasure of returning to my parked car after a nice lunch to find the passenger window smashed out. What I really loved was when I was standing there in disbelief that this had just happened, a passerby kindly let me know that the parking lot I was in was known for being a high-risk theft location. Thanks for the heads up dude!
When I called the police to alert them of what happened they let me know that they don’t dispatch officers for car break-ins because they happen so frequently that it isn’t worth their time to check them out. Maybe it’s just me but that just screams of a serious issue that isn’t being handled properly. Nothing makes me feel more secure than knowing that the police have essentially given up hope on controlling a situation. Could someone please let me know when the authorities have become jaded to murder so that I can make a point never to return to Vancouver?
On a positive note, the woman who took down my police report was arguably one of the nicest people I’ve ever dealt with. As I left the police station she was even kind enough to give me some temporary tattoos bearing the Vancouver Police Department’s logo, which I am currently sporting with extreme pride.
The only thing better than having a brand new car with a shattered window is having the pleasure of driving that brand new car three hours home while it’s forty degrees outside. I opted to go commando with the window rather than cover it up with a garbage bag and duct tape. I had the heat on full blast directed straight at my face and I was still cold. It’s a good thing I live in Seattle, where it never rains, because otherwise having a huge gaping hole in my car might have posed a minor issue.
All-in-all Vancouver was an amazing town and I had a blast. I will certainly be visiting there more often. With that I will leave you with a beautiful picture of my car’s new makeover…
